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State of the bear

Wow, I haven't updated in forever, but here we go. Short version? I'm unemployed and still being screwed over by my body.

I won't even go into the long version, but suffice to say I was let go from work a few months ago "through no fault of my own". I didn't fight it and really, I think a new start will do me some good. I got a nice severance, which is kind of almost gone, so hi, employment insurance! Please give me money. Job hunting is a soul sucking endeavor, but I persist.

Health wise... eh. I now have Type II diabetes, PCOS, chronic fatige and tendinitis in my left shoulder. I guess I'm sore, but surviving.

In personal matters, my sister got married last month! I got to wear a pretty dress, get makeup and hair done and prance around in sparkly high heels. I also have a new(ish) baby, who I got last fall. He is black and his name is Dover and he's pretty freaking cute. Along with Charlie, we make a nice little family.

That is all.
A friendly FYI:

You can pretty much find me these days @canada_bear on Twitter. Feel free to follow and annoy me.
I don't even remember the last time I updated. Anyway, updates:

- I will be assessed by a health clinic that specializes in chronic pain/fatigue etc. at the beginning of October. I suspect this has to do with me having a new Case Manager at insurance (which I didn't know about). Here's hoping they can help!

- My TMI female problem seems to be sorted out. YAY. Still keeping an eye on the situation, but so far so good.

- Went to farm again for a little vacation. There was a wedding, which made me really tired really fast, but I made it through dinner. Otherwise, sitting with calves and kittens is still good for the soul.

- Comic!Smallville continues to be awesome. Bruce Wayne! Barbara Gordon! It's all good.

- In other fandom news, it looks like I'm back into wrestling. Damn you, Wade Barrett.

I think that's it. As you were.

Jun. 8th, 2012

slightly TMI medical updateCollapse )

In fandom related things, I recently watched Game of Thrones. I liked it! It was not as confusing as I was expecting. I don't, however, get all the "OMG SO AWESOME" reactions I keep seeing from people. It's good, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it's the best thing ever. Personally, I thought Camelot was just as good, if not better.

That is all.

Feb. 25th, 2012

I was going to post in the OOC comm before things moved, but I guess I missed it, so I'll put it here and hope that a few people, at least, will see it.

Milliways has been a huge and wonderful part of my RPing life. My very first post in the game was on August 17, 2005. Between then and now I've made some incredible friends, travelled to the USofA twice and had a blast actually meeting many of the players in omg real life, and just generally had an amazing time in a place that was always welcoming and in which I like to think I was able to grow a bit as a writer.

Though I'm not moving with the game to DW, I hope the game flourishes and continues to provide the same enjoyment for those who are following that it has for the last several years.

Thanks, Milliways. I take away nothing but fond memories. ♥


I'VE BEEN NUDGED. I guess this means I should update.

Not much has changed? Still not working, still seeing (new) therapist, and I'm not really sure how much has improved. I've started reading again, so that's something. Oh, I went to a movie! My current goal is to get out of my apartment once a day, which... is a lot harder than it sounds. My sleep is still screwed up and body pain is still an issue, but massage aids are nice.

I'm... not really over losing Marz yet. I mean, I'm not a mess on a regular basis, but I still have my moments and I haven't been able to put out the cast of her paw print yet. Charlie is a big help basically because he's a handful and a half (he's currently whining at me because he lost his mouse, my poor darling baby boy). I'm very glad I have him, but thoughts of a second cat aren't happening right now.

On the fandom front GRIMM. Once Upon A Time is cool, too, but mostly GRIMM. And Being Human US. OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH GUESS WHAT? Smallville Season 11 as a comic. Oh yeah, baby.

And, yeah. That's really it.

As you were.
Since Dreamwidth is giving away free accounts with no invite code for the rest of the week, I made myself one (yep, canadabear is me). The chances of me actually using it are pretty slim unless LJ completely implodes, but hey; it's there.

So! If you'd like to comment here with your DW account name and whatnot so I can add y'all over there, that would be awesome. Comments screened in case you don't want everyone to be able to find you, too.
The State of Me is not good today. Marz has been sick, which I assumed was due to some dental issues I was fairly certain she had. I was right, and she had surgery last week resulting in six of her teeth being removed. It seemed to help.

The bottom line is it didn't. She's too old and has pre-existing kidney problems that, unfortunately, the surgery has only seemingly made worse mostly because of her age. There are things we can do, but they are generally invasive and at her age, won't really be conducive to an enjoyable quality of life. Basically, at 14 1/2 years old, she's done.

After making the most difficult decision I've ever had to, I will be taking her to the vet for the last time tomorrow morning to say goodbye.

Thank you, baby, for fourteen and a half years of wonderful companionship. Thank you for being my Marzipan.

Dec. 13th, 2011

Around this time of year, I tend to do the whole holiday gift card thing. I don't think I can this year, simply because my spoons are needed elsewhere.

Instead I simply wish you all a Wonderful Holiday Season and all the best in the coming New Year!!

mercuriaz made a meme!

Nobody wants paragraphs and paragraphs of purple prose, but I'm really curious about the physical details of people's characters. Here are some questions/prompts/things; pick one or fifteen characters, answer, and post for the edification of your RP partners. ^.^

Typical outfit, or sense of style?
Hair color?
Eye color?
Body type (the more detail the better-- for instance, perhaps they have very bony wrists or super short legs)?
Tattoos, piercings, scars, birthmarks, amputations, etc?
Typical expressions and/or gestures?
Posture and movement?
What does their voice sound like?
Hygiene routine, if any?
Somewhat related, what do they smell like (take this one as metaphoric as you want, this is fiction)?
Any physical insecurities?

I will answer this for my most active pups over at have_no_mercy!
Insomnia is awesome when I've been too lazy to go get the refill of my sleep meds. Definitely tomorrow, because I need sleep and it's 1am and I'm not even remotely tired. Beyond that, I just need to get out of my apartment. I've been allowing myself to avoid far too much lately and it needs to stop. Especially since I have an appointment with a new therapist this Thursday and I cannot miss it.

I bought myself these and have been using them a lot. These are pressure point aids, for those not in the know. My back and neck are still a mess, but man, this helps.

Fortunately, things have improved since my last post. What happened was my disability got terminated, mostly due to the fact that I was so stressed out trying to go back to work - which wasn't working out - that I forgot to do some things and my therapist was 'cancelled' because there was a mix-up with him and just OMG I'M SICK I couldn't handle things. So their decision? Terminate my long-term disability and have me basically have to report to work ASAP, full-time.


So that's what the freak out was about. I appealed the termination and it's been reversed as of yesterday (no, I have not been going to work in the meantime, hello doctor's notes). There also appear to be no strings, though I haven't received the official letter yet, and they're not looking to try another return-to-work until probably spring. They'll also be getting me a new therapist closer to where I live now.

Oh. Right. I moved! I'm back literally across the street from the building I left and am no longer living with my parents. Yay. Not that I don't appreciate the hell out of them for letting me move back because my life was a mess, but it had been a year and it was time, because they do stress me out. It's a nice apartment, a one bedroom this time, and I have a nice new couch and mom bought me a pretty flatscreen HD TV and I HAVE A BED OMG. I haven't had a real bed since I was eight.

Since I moved and have a bigger place, you know what that means: New Kitten. His name is Charlie and he's an orange tabby. He's just one year old and still very much a kitten, though he's long, tall and lean. He talks a lot and tries to engage Marz in playtime a little too much, but we will outgrow these issues. I'm sure. And for those playing at home, Marz was 14 this year, so she's allowed to be a little extra crabby at the young'un trampling all over her lawn.

I think that's all for now. As you were.

Oct. 5th, 2011

I was getting all set to update on how good things have been going.

And then everything fell apart again.

There are a lot of things I'd like to say, but I don't want to worry anyone because basically, I'm okay and I'll suffer through whatever shit this puts me through.

Jul. 26th, 2011

Okay, so I can read my flist and post, but I can't read comments to other posts or make comments? Sure, LJ. Whatever floats your leaky boat.

Anyway. News and stuff:

- I go back to work next week. Yes. NEXT WEEK. August 2, on a graduated return. I am a mixed ball of emotions about it.

- I got an apartment. OMG RELIEF. I move mid-September.

- Now that I have apartment, can I has kitten? Hopefully! The gentleman I have been eyeing for quite some time is still on the adoption website and I'm going to see if they can hold him until I move into my new place, so fingers crossed!

All in all, I think this is positive. What an odd feeling.
Hello, LJ.

Therapy is going well. Self-realizations are interesting things. Now, if I could only figure out how to change how I've thought for 20 odd years, everything would be spiffy.

What's not spiffy? I have high blood sugar levels. Again. My cholesterol levels are off, too, so guess who's on a "diet?" And if in three months with diet modifications my blood sugar doesn't level out, then I probably have diabetes.

I'm so thrilled.

The Obligatory Finale Post

Smallville is over. Done. Finished. Kaput. The fat lady has sung. I feel I should say something about it. I haven't been doing recaps this season not because I haven't enjoyed the show, but because I just don't have the mental energy anymore. I've still been squeeing over it on Twitter and with others in chat type things, don't you worry.

Now, about the finale specifically. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't even close. There are a lot of things I could bitch about and over analyse and be disappointed in. But I'm not going to. Why? Because I choose to simply take it as it was, enjoy what it gave me that I loved and be grateful that I was given an ending I can be generally satisfied with rather than the show getting cancelled and leaving off on terms not its own.

I love Smallville. The imperfections and missteps of the final episode don't change that. Nothing will. So good bye, show. I will miss you even if you will live on in my DVD player.
My sister donated her kidney today to a friend of hers who was in dire need of a transplant. She's out of surgery and doing well. Her friend is still in surgery, but so far as we know things are going as well as can be. I don't say this often, but I'm very proud of my sister today.

Feb. 2nd, 2011

Why is everyone getting snow but us?

Okay, we did get snow, but 5cm is not a "blizzard" like we were supposed to get. It's an average day in Toronto in winter.
Oh, hey, I have an LJ.

Some updatey things:

- I have a psychologist. I like him so far.

- I finally have disability. They only back payed me to June of 2010 (when this has been ongoing since June 2008) but it's something and I am getting regular payments until I go back to work. Whenever that is.

- I still feel like crap most of the time and really don't want to be living here.

- Apparently, I have massive anxiety. Which is kind of a surprise to me. So. Something to explore with the psychologist, anyway.

- My show is ending in mere months. :( But "Being Human" is pretty awesome.

Carry on.

The Borgias on CTV/Bravo and Camelot on CBC at some point soon. PAY ATTENTION. You will want to watch these.

For those interested, you can see trailers for both series here, done by the same production company who did The Tudors.
So in all my many years of life, I've never been in a car accident. I've lived through a tornado, many (exceedingly) minor earthquakes, and the general harshness of the Canadian wilderness. (Hah!)

Today, we can scratch that "never been in a car accident" off the list. It was minor and no one was hurt, but I'm pretty shaken. Yay life.

A Smallville note

So, I haven't been doing my regular reviews. This isn't because I'm not enjoying the show or - heaven forbid - not watching. I'm just too tired and too lazy. That's right; my secret's out.

Overall, I am enjoying S10. It's not without its flaws, of course, but generally speaking I'm pretty happy with what we've been given thus far and look forward to the rest of the season. And then I will be in denial that it's actually over. *sob*

Smallville 10x4 - Homecoming

I really didn't know what to expect, and I'm happy to say I as pleasantly surprised.

A hero is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come. Just remember that, Kal-El.Collapse )

Next week: TESS. ...it's going to kill me. I can tell.
I guess I should make a real-life update or something.

Progress: I got Short-term Disability approved last week. It has, of course, run out, so now I can apply for Long-term disability. I also apparently will be getting paid for the four month period the STD approval covers. Yay, but I don't have any money yet, so we'll see.

Insurance also sent me for an independent medical assessment, which I did on Tuesday. Three hours with a psychiatrist. Fun. I have "a mountain of issues" to work through. No, really? Anyway, she was very nice and I liked her quite a bit, which is going to mean that she probably won't be able to actually be my shrink because that's just the way my life works. Her recommendations: cognitive behaviour therapy, possible additional medications to help with my OCD and "extensive psychotherapy." Aha. She did agree that my workplace was not good for me, since it's so chaotic and counter-productive to how my brain works. Again, we'll have to see what insurance decides to do with the information and I'm kind of really interested to see her report, because she pegged me but good just based on the brief summation she gave me.

Still not thrilled about living with the parents, but it had to be done.

That's about it, really. Carry on.

Smallville 10x3 - Supergirl

Okay, so. It could have been worse. It could have.

You can't save people when you're the centre of attentionCollapse )

Next week: Cloisfestapalooza. Which may not be a good thing.

Smallville 10x2 - Shield

Better than last week's in the sense of pacing and truly setting things up for the rest of the season. But then, that's what the second episode is supposed to do! Onward.

Trust never was the golden rule for the kids in this clubhouse.Collapse )

Next week: Kara returns! And boy, does the preview make it look dull. Hold on, folks, this could be a very bumpy ride.

Smallville 10x1 - Lazarus

Okay, so I know I never did a review for the S9 finale, but sue me. It was awesome. That said, it's now time for the S10 - and FINAL - premiere!

And would that I might endure his agony as well as mineCollapse )

Next week: We're the Monster Suicide Squad!
Three days and I already want to move out.

Sep. 1st, 2010

Oh, I still have a real life? I forgot.

Still not working. Still not getting paid. This isn't a good thing. Collection agencies are fun, aren't they? And since I can't pay my rent - and I'm already five months behind - I get to move back in with my parents. Mom's being pretty cool about it. She even said she was going to give up her sewing room so we could turn it into a little den for me so I'd have "some private space." I thought that was nice. This is obviously not what I wanted to happen, but I can't see any way around it at this point. It's just going to be hard to give up 17 years of living alone.

Aside from that, there's nothing else really to report. Insurance is looking at my file again (this is like the fifth time now) and they keep wanting me to send them information they already have. But I have to be compliant! Work is holding my job "in good faith" until this round of appeal goes on. Joy. I'm starting to wonder at this point why I'd want to go back when I can work, knowing they couldn't give a shit about me. But I suppose I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it.

That is all.
I'm home. There are pictures of my adventures, if anyone cares to look.

Off to farm country to play with cows and kittens and gain a lot of weight. Be back on Monday.
My cable/internet has been saved for now. I have food. So, that's good. Things are still in limbo with lawyer, waiting on medical information and replies from work and insurer. That's kind of annoying.

On the not so good front, I have... crap in collections. In amounts I can't really ask my mom for. I may have to ask my somewhat wealthy uncle. We'll see. On the bright side, according to collections lady (who was actually surprisingly quite helpful) my credit as per right now is-- perfect. No, really. I have perfect credit. Highest rating we Canadians can have. I have no idea how that's even possible given the way I've been not paying my bills lately, but there we go. Yay?
I've spoken to my lawyer and it made me feel a bit better about things. He says my employer's basic request for my termination based on the fact that I can't work will actually support my Disability claim and he says he's going to try and preserve my employment. We're meeting on Friday to work out all the details. Regardless, I hate all the waiting and uncertainty. And I'm still broke in the meantime. But it's possibly not as bad as I thought.
Because it just gets better...

I pretty much just got fired.

I can't wait to tell my family.
So if I disappear in two weeks, it's because my cable/internet got cut off because I can't pay my bills.

I love my life.


hollow futility
hollow futility

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